Dear Friends,As Brad and I began giving exams this week, I had more than one person ask me to reflect on what I've been learning recently. It has been hard to sum up the dozens of rambling thoughts in my mind confounded by pregnancy hormones and lack of sleep (the lack being due to pregnancy and 4:30am sunshine). But I have been thinking a lot about this lately as our two years in China draw to a close. I mean, what was it all for? Did we accomplish what we set out to do? Were we successful? Did we make good use of our time?
I've learned a lot of great lessons in the last few months from my friends here in China. I continue to daily learn from my husband, Brad. I'm learning from him that it's okay to look silly in photos, and even to encourage it! I'm learning to imitate his humor and passion for life and to seek that in my own life. And I'm learning from him not to give in or back down on matters of principle, to be a woman of my word, and follow through even when it means not being “nice” now and then. From my friend Cassie Huo, I am learning the joy of being around someone who daily overflows with optimism, enthusiasm, and joy. Her hugs are the envy of our team, and everywhere we go together she makes friends...including taxi drivers, random co-travelers, students, officials, children, and the elderly. My friend Danielle often teaches me the lessons of her parents. Her father has taught her (and me) to wash the dishes as you use them so that they don't pile up, and her mother has taught her (and me) that dreams and goals are fine things, but your actions are what really matter. Finally, from my team I have been learning the joy of sharing our dreams and goals together, the freedom of transparency, and the daily challenges and rewards of growing together in unity.
What follows are a few more lessons I have been learning this semester. I'm sure that there will be more to come, and more that I have missed, but these are few recent thoughts:
Mother Teresa: “We are not called to be successful, but to be faithful.”
Gandhi: “What we are doing may seem insignificant, but it is most important that we do it.”
Shane Claiborne: “That sounds good, but it was the beginning of my years of struggling with the tension between efficiency and faithfulness.”
Lesson 1: As a lover of efficiency and organization, I am learning that being faithful is rarely efficient, that loving people cannot be checked off on my “to do” list, and that relationships rarely fit into my time schedule or plans. Faithfulness, loving people, and relationships must be given unhurried time without deadlines. I'm learning that though I may feel insignificant, unsuccessful, and unaccomplished, that it is most important that I keep doing his work, wherever it takes me. I'm learning that “obedience is more important than mere excellence” (Steve Arterburn).
Shane Claiborne: “But me, I had it together. I used to be cool. And then I met the Son and he wrecked my life. The more I read the Word, the more it messed me up, turning everything I believed in, valued, and hoped for upside down.”
Lesson 2: The more I read the Word, the more the Son messes me up. He's unpredictable. He's radical. He's scandalous. Everything I though I should want, or achieve, or value, or become is nonsense. I want to fit in, and He wants me to follow Him. I am an A-type, oldest child, critically-spirited Pharisee...and in so many ways I have missed the point of the entire Message. The Son can't be put in a box, and neither can his followers. The Son is calling me to “think outside the box” in more ways than I ever have before, to see the world through his eyes and not my own...to die to myself.
C. S. Lewis: “Ooh!” said Susan, “I'd thought he was a man. Is he—quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion.”
“Safe?” said Mr. Beaver, “don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you.”
Lesson 3: I'm learning that our Father is not safe, but he's good. So much of my time is spent worrying and wondering about the past, present, and future, in hopes that I will be more safe and more secure. Shane Claiborne quotes one of his professors as saying, “We have insulated ourselves from miracles. We no longer live lives with such reckless faith that we need them. There is rarely room for the transcendent in our lives.” I am guilty as charged, planning my life days, weeks, months, and years in advance in hopes of being “safe.” I'm learning that I have nothing to fear, except the Father Himself! As Naomi's name testifies, this year has been a lesson in faith and trust for me, as I wait on his timing and his perfect purpose. I hope that I can learn to invite some reckless faith into my life, and to make room for miracles and the transcendent.
I hope you've enjoyed a few of my thoughts. There's a lot more on my mind, but it will have to wait for another day. Thank you for thinking of me and Brad this semester, and of our future together wherever the Father leads us.
Love always,
Jessie
