Sunday Thoughts: January 18th, 2009

Moses answered, "What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, 'He did not appear to you'?" Then the Father said to him, "What is that in your hand?" "A staff," he replied. The Father said, "Throw it on the ground." Moses threw it on the ground and it became a snake, and he ran from it. Then the Father said to him, "Reach out your hand and take it by the tail." So Moses reached out and took hold of the snake and it turned back into a staff in his hand. "This," said the Father, "is so that they may believe that I have appeared to you."

What's in your hand? In Moses' hand it was nothing more than a staff, but when he opened his hand to let it go the Father used it to display his greatness. In the disciples hands there were a few loaves of bread, but when they opened their hands, the Father used them to display his greatness. Two copper coins in the hands of a widow wouldn't buy much, but when she opened her hands to the Father, those coins became the greatest of all the offerings. There is no end the the examples of his greatness; he uses us and works through what little we have if we can only open our hearts and let it go!

Why we are grateful this week:

1) On Tuesday we received a phone call from the hospital informing us that Jessie's most recent tests came back negative, which ironically, is positive!

2) This was an odd week. Many of the students spent the time packing and leaving for the winter holiday. At this point most of the students have left and even though we live in a city that lists it's population near 4 million, our campus is a virtual ghost town. So we spent a lot of time together as a team, eating meals together, watching downloaded football games, and enjoying each other's best Brian Regan impressions.

3) My parent's have finalized their travel plans! They will arrive in Beijing on February 1st, and leave on February 14th. They will be here for Jessie's birthday (the 5th), Chinese Lantern Festival (the 9th), and Valentine's Day!

4) On Thursday we visited the Philip Hayden Foundation with the Corder's. Wil could not come because he was ill, but it was a good day regardless. Courtney, Lee, Paula, and Laura Corder arrived in Langfang, we ate lunch with a few students, and than spent the afternoon at the PHF.

Please continue to “think” about us:

1) We leave for Beijing tomorrow, and then we head to Shenzhen, which is near Hong Kong, on Tuesday for our 7 day conference. We will return to Langfang by January 31st at the latest.

2) As I mentioned earlier, my parents arrive on February 1st. We will be traveling with them for a week in the Beijing area and then in Guilin for about a week. In other words, the next four weeks will be a hectic, but they should be amazing.

3) Within the next week, we should have a good idea of where we will be next year. It might be difficult for us to post anything consistently for the next month, but we will post this information as soon as we can.

4) Please continue to remember Jessie, and our unborn child. She is still doing great! Other than a few headaches and some weariness, there has been nothing but good news concerning our pregnancy.

Following His Blessing,
Brad

January 18, 2009: Surpassing Greatness

“But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of the Son. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing the Son, my Master, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain the Son…” Phil 3:7-8

Dear Friends,

This month is full of change: a new year, a new president, new adventures, and new life. It could be easy to look back on the past and see our gains and losses through the eyes of the world. Our world measures success by money, possessions, careers, awards, fame, and appearances. Yet, Paul says that he considers whatever was to his profit to be a loss for the sake of the Son…all things, in fact, aside from knowing the Son. In 2009 I hope I can encourage all of you to follow Paul in seeing all worldly gain as rubbish, and instead, above all things, seek to gain the Son and the surpassing greatness of knowing Him personally.

Our last quiet week in Langfang has passed by quickly, as Brad and I tied up many loose ends in preparation for our next month of traveling. (As many of you know, in China the schools have almost two months off from classes to celebrate the Spring Festival and Chinese New Year holiday. Brad and I have no classes between December 19 and February 16.) On Monday we worked around the apartment, discussing our plans for next year, and sorting and storing the last of the Christmas decorations. On Tuesday the ladies finally met again for our Ladies’ Lunch, and got caught up on our Beth Moore Book Study. In the evening, we had our last Book Study with Carol and Sunshine before they went home for the holiday. I had more fun grocery shopping and trying vegetarian meals for Brad. On Wednesday my parents called and we talked at length, and then Brad and I went over to Shamblee’s apartment to watch the Steelers vs. Chargers game. In the evening we were back over at Shamblee’s again, eating baked potatoes and watching a new Brian Regan comedy act she’d just downloaded.

Thursday and Friday were busy days. On Thursday morning I had a Skype date with my sister Karilyn. During our conversation, the Corder family (Lee, Paula, Laura, and Courtney) arrived in Langfang and then we all went to lunch together (joined by Forrest Gump, Lindy, Victory, Sarah, Allie, and Allen). We spent the afternoon at the Philip Hayden Foundation orphanage where Leah helped us to learn the names of the children, and answered our many questions about the orphanage. After dropping the Corders off at the train station, Brad and I headed back to the apartment to work on grades for a few hours. In the evening, Sunshine, Carol, and Carol’s roommate prepared a Chinese feast for the five foreign teachers. Afterwards we sat around and shared “moving” stories from our lives. On Friday morning, we all met with Wayne to pick up our schedules. I spent the rest of the afternoon finishing my grades (with Brad’s help) and e-mailing them to Wayne. Shannon and Shamblee even brought me back a snack from McDonald’s for my labors. Shamblee and I relaxed by giving ourselves pedicures, and then Brad and I topped the evening off by watching the final episode of “Friends.”

Saturday and Sunday have passed by rather peacefully. I finished “A Severe Mercy” by Sheldon Vanauken on Saturday morning, cleaned the apartment, grocery shopped, prepared Sunday’s message, did yoga, and experimented with foods in our kitchen. The one frustrating thing that happened was that our washing machine emptied an entire load of cold water into our apartment, sufficiently flooding all four rooms. I was home alone, and spent over an hour mopping up the mess (with half of mop), hanging the rugs, and rescuing books, sheets, and trash baskets. My back aching from being stooped for so long, I was only too glad to let Brad finish the job when he got home, allowing me to put up my cold wrinkled feet for a few minutes. Sunday has been quiet as we prepare for tomorrow’s departure with plans, packing, and eating all the food in our refrigerator.

The next four weeks should be quite an adventure! Brad and I are very excited to be going to many places in China that we have never visited. From January 20-26, we will be in the city of Shenzhen in southern China for our annual IECS Staff Conference. Shenzhen is at the same latitude as Havana, Cuba, so we are hoping for warm weather! Our hotel has ocean views of the South China Sea. Shenzhen is also on the mainland directly across from the island of Hong Kong, so we are hoping to visit Hong Kong on January 26 before our departure. We hope to spend the next few days (January 27-29) on the tropical island of Hainan, located at the same latitude as Jamaica and Hawaii. We are hoping to enjoy some warm sunshine under the coconut palms, before taking the 32 hour sleeper train north from Hainan to Beijing. 2 days later, Brad’s parents will arrive in Beijing for a two week visit. During their first week we will visit Langfang and Beijing, and during their second week (February 9-13) we will fly south again to the beautiful city of Guilin. Guilin is located at the same latitude as Miami, Florida, and its winding rivers and sloping mountains look like a beautiful Chinese landscape painting. We will say goodbye to Brad’s parents on February 14, just in time to prepare for classes beginning on February 16.

Thank you for supporting us in the old year and in the new year. We look forward to sharing with you the result of our adventures, and our new discoveries. Thank you for keeping us in all your thoughts!

Love,
Jessie and Brad

“Not that I have already obtained this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which the Son took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which the Father has called me heavenward in His Son.” Phil. 3:12-14

"Always be in a state of expectancy, and see that you leave room for the Father to come in as He likes." --Oswald Chambers

Dear Friends,

On the morning of January 10, 2009 my friend Danielle met Brad and me at our apartment before boarding the train bound for Beijing. We were on our way to our monthly OB/GYN appointment at Beijing United Family Hospital. Danielle is not only my friend, but she is also a biology student, so I knew she would love an adventure to an international hospital. On the way to the train station, Danielle showed me a list of words she'd translated, including "fetus," "womb," "uterus," "embryo," and "sonogram." At the station we walked past a line of people extending out into the train station plaza, all hoping to buy tickets for the upcoming spring festival holiday. Relieved that we'd bought our tickets in advance, we had no trouble boarding our 10:15am train.

Our arrival in Beijing was rather rushed. When we scheduled our appointment a month ago, we scheduled it for 11:00am, figuring that we would take the 8:30 train from Langfang. Unfortunately, in the past month, Langfang eliminated all of the trains between 7:30am and 10:15am. When we tried to buy tickets for 7:30am train, we were told "don't have," so we had to buy the 10:15am tickets. I called and tried to reschedule the appointment, but the next available times were from 3:00-4:00pm, and we had to catch the 4:30pm train back to Langfang. The receptionist urged me to go ahead and try to get in to the hospital as soon as I could, and they would try to fit me in somewhere. After arriving in Beijing, buying our subway tickets and our return tickets to Langfang, we arrived at our appointment at 12:15pm, 1 hour and 15 minutes late. Each interaction with the nurses, doctor, and ultrasound technician began with an apology for our tardiness.

Because we were late, the nurse prepared us immediately for the doctor by weighing me, taking my blood pressure, and requesting a urine sample. Then she ushered Brad and me into the doctor's office while Danielle waited in the hall. Dr. Chang Ling asked us some basic questions to begin, and then asked me to climb onto the examination table. She wrapped measuring tape around my belly, and then she measured vertically up to my belly button. She listened to the baby's heartbeat again, and counted its beats. After the examination she again talked to us about the pregnancy. She asked if we wanted a blood test to check for chromosomal abnormalities, and she talked to us about a disease called "hemolysis" (Erythroblastosis Fetalis) that affects some couples when the mother has an O blood type and the father has A or B blood type (like us). The disease is very rare and most of the time is not severe, but they check for it anyway. She reminded me to keep taking my prenatal vitamins, and then talked about our next visit and how she'll use the sonogram to see if the baby's organs are all growing properly (and maybe see the sex of our child.) She left us with the nurse to have my blood drawn, and then we were off to the ultrasound room.

In the ultrasound room, we were immediately ushered into a curtained room where again I was asked to climb onto the examination table. The ultrasound assistant tucked cloth napkins around the top edge of my jeans, and then left the room. Brad and Danielle made use of the time by snapping multiple photos of me and of the room. The Chinese ultrasound technician chose that moment to pop her head through the curtain right between them, and after a glance at both shutterbugs, she quipped, "First baby?" We laughed, and she began her procedures, pouring cold jelly all over my belly and smearing it around with her magic wand.

In a few moments, we saw our little one, lounging in my womb as if in an oversized lazy-boy chair. She moved the wand to beneath the baby's legs, but we could not see the sex of the child yet. Then, the baby began to move. It was amazing! It stretched, turned, rolled, crouched, flipped, kicked, pushed, and clenched and unclenched its fists. When I laughed we watched my womb gently bounce the baby. We could see its heart beating and how it breathed deeply in and out after the exertion. The technician pointed out its individual bones by name, and its spinal cord, stomach, and brain. She measured its cranium, and other points of reference, telling us that the baby is one week ahead of schedule in size. She remarked that it had a big head and big nose, and she said the big head must come from its father. We were laughing a lot and predicting what an active child it will be after such a lively dance routine. It still amazes me that I can't feel a thing with a baby that energetic in my womb! It makes me think that I should be glad for any sleep I can get now, because once I start feeling those kicks I'll be sleepless! Brad snapped photos (81 all together) constantly, and Danielle videotaped a large portion of it.

When we were finished, the technician printed us two copies of our sonogram. As I looked at them, I realized that this must be where people get their ideas for movies about aliens. The little transparent body looks both human and other-worldly inside its little cocoon. I handed Danielle my sonogram images while I put on my coat, and laughed when I later found her busily displaying them in bouquets of flower and on pregnancy magazine covers so that she could photograph them. Our lunch and ride home were full of excited chatter as we remembered the lively baby we had seen. I have never seen an ultrasound image of a baby in motion before, so I was entirely entranced by the entire thing. What a wondrous experience and what a miracle! Thanks be to our Father for the miracle of life! I am so thankful that I had the privilege of observing this miracle with my husband and our friend. What a great blessing! What a great Father!

Love,
Jessie

"But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." --Lk 2:19

Sunday Thoughts: January 11, 2009

"Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell."

At the end of December Jessie and I were talking about Paul's letter to the Philippians and the importance of using our words for encouragement rather than complaining, arguing, and criticizing. I was convicted by the realization that I was spending too much time talking and thinking about me! So I decided that one of my New Year's resolutions would be to spend two days in silence and a third day speaking only if my words were encouraging to others.

So I spent the first three days of this past week trying to fulfill my resolution. Surprisingly, or maybe miraculously, I found that the two days of silence were fairly easy. It was refreshing! I was not able to answer the phone or the door, and it was quiet in the apartment. I realized just how wearying my own voice is! I loved being free of the obligation to speak, and I'm sure others (a.k.a. my wife) were equally happy with being free of the obligation to listen.

By Wednesday I was ready to talk! But the challenge to speak with only encouraging words was more difficult than I had expected. I had so much to say after two days of silence. It was difficult because every time I saw somebody and wanted to talk, I found my brain scrambling. I could think of a thousand topics to discuss, but I could not find the compliments. There was no lack of complimentary things to say; I was just unable to think of them fast enough. I could talk at length about sports, my recent readings, my unborn child, or my family, but when it came to encouraging others I was stuck. It was as if my brain was stuttering!

I was humbled to realize just how selfish my words are, and their ability to "corrupt the whole person." It is so easy to be self-focused in conversation! I missed the greatness in others because I was consumed with my own needs. I highly recommend taking a day and limiting yourself to compliments, and encouraging words.

"Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of the Father"

Why we are grateful this week:

1) Thursday was a great day; we went to Tianjin to visit Wil and Courtney Corder. We made it there in time for lunch, and then we spent the afternoon playing spoons in a coffee shop and watching "Enchanted." It was great to see them, and get a chance to hear what they have been learning during their first year of teaching.

2) On Friday night we organized a movie night for the English department. Jess was delighted to show them one of her favorite holiday movies, "White Christmas." About 30 students took a couple hours away from their final exam preparations to spend the evening enjoying the musical stylings of Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye.

3) On Saturday we went to Beijing for our monthly baby checkup. We invited Danielle, a biology major who Jess befriended last year, and she was extremely excited to share the experience with us. She took photos and video of everything she possibly could. Afterwards, we took her to lunch and introduced her to pizza and flurries.

4) Our baby is healthy. So far there have been no problems, and we are very grateful. The sonogram showed us an active baby flipping and spinning in Jessie's womb. It's still just a little too early to know if it is a boy or a girl, but we should know next month.

Please continue to "think" about us:

1) A week from now we will be traveling to southern China (Shenzhen, close to Hong Kong) for our IECS teaching conference. Please continue to think about our travel plans.

2) My parents have booked their flight to China! They will be here for the first two weeks of February, and we are currently trying to organize a travel plan for them.

3) Please remember Jessie, and our unborn child in your thoughts. She has been doing great! Other than a small head cold this week and some weariness, there has been nothing but good news concerning our pregnancy.

Following His Blessing,
Brad

January 9, 2009: A Gentle Whisper

"He was not in the wind...He was not in the earthquake...He was not in the fire...and after the fire came a gentle whisper..." 1 K 19:11-12

Dear Friends,

In the past few weeks I have been learning about the importance of making the time to listen for the "still, small voice" of the Father. In our hurried generation, education, careers, families, relationships, traveling, and other obligations distract us from listening to His voice. Like the seed "choked by life's worries, riches, and pleasures," the Word of the Father is choked out of us, and we "do not mature" (Lk 8:15). I hope that all of us can learn to reduce our obligations and "enjoy the silence," listening to hear what the Father has to teach us. I encourage you to make time in your day for the most important relationship you will ever experience.

What follows is a brief summary of our lives for the past few weeks:

3rd Wedding Anniversary (December 23): Brad and I celebrated our 3rd Anniversary with a romantic getaway to Beijing. On Monday we checked into the Chongwenmen Hotel and then had lunch at the local bakery. We finished our Secret Santa Christmas shopping at the Pearl Market, and then had dinner at Starbucks. We completed the evening by enjoying a soak in the hotel bath tub (our apartments don't have this luxury) and watching the movie "The Pacifier" on TV. On Tuesday we slept in and then went back to the bakery for breakfast before heading out to the Forbidden City. We spent a few hours exploring the many corridors, rooms, and gardens of the ancient structure. After a brief stop at the Pearl Market, we went to the Silk Market for foot massages, and then finished the day with dinner at T.G.I. Fridays. We were exhausted as we returned home, but the two days were a great chance to talk, reconnect, reflect, and make new memories together.

Campus Christmas Activities: On December 20 we were blessed with the Christmas gift of snow! About an inch of snow covered Langfang in its beautiful blanket. Students and teachers rushed out into the night to dance, play, chase, and snowball fight in the beauty. On December 21 our Dean invited us out for dinner, and we were treated as honored guests at the local restaurant. On December 24, our team performed for the annual Christmas Celebration. All five of us sang Bebo Norman's "Joy to the World," and then the girls sang "Silent Night" together. Peter and Forrest Gump choreographed and performed a Chinese rap song that thrilled the crowd. Brad and I also took the opportunity to announce to the student body that we are pregnant, relieving the team from keeping our three month old secret!

IECS Team Christmas in Baoding (December 25-27): All 12 foreign teachers and Tony Zhang gathered in Baoding for a wonderful celebration of the Son's birth. Brad and I exchanged gifts in the morning (jewelry for me, bookshelves and a scarf for Brad). Then we took the train to Baoding, chatting with Wil and Courtney on the way. Emily and Amelia hosted Christmas dinner (delicious!) in their apartments, and then we had our Secret Santa exchange in the campus hotel. Some of our favorites were a bathrobe for me and a Starbucks gift certificate for Brad. Friday morning we had Christmas breakfast, and then our Christmas service, led by Peter and Shannon, reminding us of the "reason for the season." What scandalous love was shown on that day long ago!

The rest of the weekend passed in a blur. I hung out with the girls for most of the time, and Brad hung out with the guys. We went to McDonald's for lunch (during which one of our taxi cabs caused a huge bicycle accident), and then had pizza for dinner at an Italian restaurant where the pizzas were cooked in a huge brick oven. Then we went to KTV for a fun night of dancing and singing at the top of our lungs. On Saturday morning, we ate breakfast together, and ate Christmas leftovers for lunch. The girls went out together for back massages and drinks at a local coffee shop, while the guys played Settlers and hung out together. Altogether, the weekend was a great time of fellowship, encouraging, and sharing about our common experiences, struggles, and triumphs throughout the fall semester.

New Year's Eve in Langfang: New Year's Eve was a quiet evening in our apartment here in Langfang. Jess Shamblee and Shannon gave exams during the day, and around 9:30pm we all gathered together to drink homemade egg nog, eat Magnum Bars (ice cream) and cheesecake, and watch "Ferris Beuller's Day Off." At midnight we toasted one another, hugged, and kissed. Brad and I finished typing up our New Year's resolutions, and then posted them on our closet doors as daily reminders.

Spring Scheduling: December 25 and 31 were spent talking with our administrative faculty about plans for next semester. Brad and I informed the faculty of our pregnancy and began to talk logistics. Wayne told all of us about the class offering for next semester, and we all shared our preferences for classes and students.

Time with Students: With the completion of classes and finals in progress, the students have schedules ranging from free to too busy for friends. We've been trying to work with their schedules. Brad and Peter invited Okay and Cole over to watch "Sahara" together, and they had a great time. Danielle and I had lunch together last week and then watched "Seven Pounds" and "P.S. I love you," and tomorrow she will join Brad and I in Beijing for our sonogram and OB/GYN appointment. Sally and I made No-Bake Chocolate Peanut Butter Cookies together on Saturday, and Cassie and I made granola together and watched "Hitch" on Monday. Vivian and I are also planning a lunch together. Tonight Brad and I will show "White Christmas" to the English students as a special extracurricular activity.

Traveling: Yesterday Brad and I went to Tianjin to visit with Wil and Courtney Corder for the day. We had a great time eating Chinese lunch, and McDonald's dinner with them, playing spoons in their favorite coffee shop, exchanging books, and watching "Enchanted" together. Wil's friend Edward joined us for the day, and we had a great time getting to know him too. We've been talking about seeing some of the other sites we've never seen around Beijing, like the Summer Palace and Hou Hai, so maybe we can make it out there sometime soon. Our friend Andy came to visit from Qinhuangdao for two days, and brought his friend Heather, a Spanish teacher from Ohio. They took us to an orphanage on the other side of Langfang for children with brittle bone disease. The family who run the place inspired us with their servant hearts and obedience to the Father. We look forward to going back there again in the future.

Miscellaneous: The vacation time has also allowed Brad and I the time to do more around the apartment than usual. Brad has begun a new indoor work-out routine, and I've begun a daily yoga video series. I've been coloring past artworks, and working on new creations. We've both been reading a lot, and Brad continues to add new guitar songs to his repertoire. Brad's gone vegetarian for the month of January, so I've been adding new recipes to my repertoire. We're both trying to help Brad's parents to plan their upcoming visit to China (February 1-14) and anticipating that reunion.

Thank you all for your thoughts and support over the first half of the school year. We hope that you have all had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year 2009! We look forward to a spring full of listening and growth, silence and song.

Always,
Jessie

"Quietude, which some men cannot abide because it reveals their inward poverty, is as a palace of cedar to the wise, for along its hallowed courts the king in his beauty deigns to walk." --Charles Spurgeon

“David, wearing a linen ephod, danced before the 'Father' with all his might,...”

The king of a nation danced before the Father with all his might!

“The 'Father' is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.”

The Creator of Life rejoiced by singing over his creation!

“He will yet fill your mouth with laughter
and your lips with shouts of joy.”

May his heavenly duet continue as the composer conducts. May we sing in harmony with him, and when we miss a beat, his grace will recognize it as jazz.

May my voice be still in the presence of the Father's love. As David danced, may my heart dance to the rhythm of his song, and when my tongue is loosened may it shout for the joy that he has placed in me!

Why we are grateful this week:

1) On Wednesday we spoke with our advisor to tentatively organize next semester's schedule. With 5 American teachers, and fewer students in the spring, our course load should be lighter. As of now it looks like Jessie will only have 12 credits and I will have 16, making it very possible to return to the states for the birth of our child. We are also excited that the fewer classes will afford us more individual time with our students.

2) We celebrated New Year's Eve with Peter, Shannon, and Jess Shamblee. There wasn't anything spectacular about it, but we enjoyed ice cream, cheesecake, homemade egg nog, and a movie together before counting down to midnight. It was a good time of fellowship for our team.

3) Jessie has been using some of her free time this week to cook with her students. It's always fun to invite students to our apartment and watch them marvel at our different style of cooking. This week they made no-bake cookies, and I enjoyed them very much!

4) We also spent some time watching movies with students. On Tuesday night Peter and I watched Sahara with Okay and Cole, and on Friday Jessie watch Seven Pounds with Danielle. Next week Jessie is hoping to organize a large Christmas movie night for the English department.

5) We were blessed by a visit from Andy Nelson and his friend Heather Grise over this past weekend. It was just great to have the opportunity to speak English with other like-minded friends. It's amazing how we are learning to appreciate the little things that we took for granted in the States.

Please continue to “think” about us:

1) We visited the Agape House and Outreach Center today with Peter, Shannon, Andy, Heather, and Jess Shamblee. It's another local Orphanage similar to the Philip Hayden Foundation. They serve many Chinese orphans who have Osteogenesis imperfecta, commonly known as Brittle Bone Disease. They also have a small bakery that provides jobs for some of the older orphans and they are working on a dental clinic.

2) In a couple weeks we will be traveling to southern China (Shenzhen) for our IECS teaching conference. Please continue to think about our travel plans.

3) Please continue to keep our future plans in your thoughts. We are still trying to sort out where the Father is leading us for the upcoming year. There are some opportunities in the States that we are investigating, and we have not ruled out returning to China for a third year. Most of all, we want to follow the Father’s blessing.

Following His Blessing,
Brad